Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
