her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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