if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize