this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
