Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
