I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
