I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
