I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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