You just made me feel so damn special
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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