the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
