i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
not ubering you a puppy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
