It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize