I just pynch a tree in the face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
