My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
