Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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