Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
