five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
