they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
