my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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