five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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