No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
