he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
