So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My balls are so social today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
