dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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