A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if only i could text you this smell
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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