im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
