I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize