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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
