So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
