There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my shit smells like andre
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
