watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
