Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
