I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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