Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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