trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
