So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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