We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
