Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
