he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
