i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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