what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
