Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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