The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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