ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
