Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You need Xanax blowdarts
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
