I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
