you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's blow job season.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
