so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my poor anus
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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