I have demons in me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
