I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
