but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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