So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
