yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
