Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
