Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
