somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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