so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
