Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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