Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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