So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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