He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
