Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
