when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
