I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
