porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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