I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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