I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
