I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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