i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
