Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
