if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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