i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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