Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
