Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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